But talking has more to it. The way you talk can make or crack relationships. Isn’t it said, “Only a few people talk, rest all make sounds”.
There are some involuntary practices people develop while talking.
Some would stutter and stumble the moment they start to talk. We might even wonder they have a stammering problem; but that wouldn’t be - they would be quite fluent in a subject of their interest. It is that these people begin talking even before they decide what they are going to talk, too eager and nervous to plan or formulate their thoughts, that’s why the stuttering and stumbling.
Some would have conceived what they want to talk but would begin talking without exactly determining what words they want to use. Then they would pause in their sentence, frequently… making the listeners lose interest in what they are going to say.
Yet others would talk, but would frequently get lost while talking; they would stare somewhere and turn to the listener to ask, “Where was I?”
Some would repeat the same thing again and again; leaving the listener very embarrassed to point them out that it is the nth time they are saying that!
Some would never come to the point right away. They would beat around the bush for a simple yes or no answer.
Some are quite strange! When somebody is talking to them on a topic, all of a sudden they would say something totally unconnected and incoherent. The speaker wouldn’t be sure if they were listening at all, in the first place.
These are of course some of the spontaneous behaviors we develop. But there are certain other things we do, while talking, deliberately.
For instance, some, as soon as an opinion is laid will oppose it. “It isn’t that way!” they would say, leaving the listeners in a gasp. They would then substantiate their point. For instance, if we say, the films of an actor X are good, they would immediately spring and say, “No, no you can’t say that. His films aren’t good at all. In fact he is dumb”. Subsequently, if we say, just to comfort them, “May be the films of Mr. X aren’t that impressive”, strangely again they would say, “We can’t totally conclude it that way either”, leaving all the listeners puzzled. Talking to such people is really a trouble. You will never get to know whether to accept or deny what they say! After talking to them for some time, we can safely conclude that the main motto of such people is not to make talks but to just oppose whatever is being told to them.
Some have a strange habit. They keep blowing their own trumpet. “Last year I did that; last month this, yesterday that and today this”. The boast goes on. If somebody would interrupt them they would flatly say, “Wait a minute, don’t interrupt me” and continue blowing. Nobody knows where the end would be! They would not acknowledge any accomplishment done by anybody else other than himself or herself! You can’t even attempt to talk to them of somebody else. It is all “I” in their talk, no “you, not even “we”.
They would say things like, “I am such a great person that I really don’t like to talk to anybody else who is not of my range”, thoroughly belittling and baffling those who are talking to them. These sort of people are also mostly of the type who would just advice anybody and everybody without really considering whether they would need it or not! They take it for granted that almost everybody around them is ignorant of almost everything…
There is also this habit seen in people. They like teasing or pulling the legs of their kiths or spouses. There are indeed, a lot many people like this.
The husband always pulls the leg of his wife. He constantly teases the way she cooks, the way she sings or the way their married life is going or whatever. This wouldn’t always sound good in a gathering. How aren’t they aware of that? Spoken in privacy they would say, they did not mean anything by saying such things. Good! Why should anybody say anything they didn’t mean?
Wives teasing the husbands are also not less. They would casually say, “He doesn’t know anything about the house. It’s all me” or “he can’t remember the routes. If it wasn’t for me we would have lost the way” or “he is so dumb without me around” with their husbands beside them. We can’t win anybody’s heart by pulling his or her legs. Or can we?
Some people are good at commenting and so they do that in every sentence they talk. For instance, the moment they see their colleague entering the office, they would say, “your hair is looking terrible”, instead of a “good morning”. Then they would say about the face, dress, shoes and almost everything. They themselves grant the right to comment about other’s delicate issues like walking style, sitting style and even their belly – “that’s because you eat a lot and don’t exercise” they would advice!
Some would give remarks as and when they talk. If, for example, a person keeps saying the words “you see” again and again, they would just say, “My God! I hate people who say this ‘you see’ in every sentence”. Are they coming to say they hate the person who is just in front of them and talking to them?
Some would throw a harsh response as soon as a person told something. For instance if a person said, “I like Mr. X”, they would immediately say, “My god! He is such a terrible guy. I just can’t imagine which senseless idiot can like him”. The person who made the remark would become dumbfound. Of course he would be! Just now he was awarded the title of ‘senseless idiot’.
Harsh responses are actually of many more types. In fact, there are too many people who use them. There are varieties like, “Shut up, you can talk when you are asked to” or “don’t ‘you’ inquire about that shop, it isn’t for people who won’t spend money” or simply, “I know you would give such a stupid answer”.
There are also these types of persons who care a great deal about tongue slips. They would laugh and laugh at one mistake; they will remember it for years; and important - they would keep reminding it to the person who made it and to everybody around, all the time.
Some believe in being humorous, so they keep joking, careless about the mood of the person talking to them or the seriousness of the topic that is discussed. The opposite is also true – some are too sensitive. Whilst in a casual talk, they would suddenly begin to cry and the listeners would feel embarrassed – should they continue, stop, go away or stay?
It isn’t always that only flaws don’t make a good communication. Even flawless talking makes a bad communication if done at a wrong, unneeded time. Elders and people who are in higher position mostly do this; not that others wouldn’t do it – if they did, the listeners can always excuse themselves.
But if an elderly person did the big talk, the listener has to be polite and listen to it, whether or not he needs it; he cannot afford to be rude to an elder!
Similarly, lots of people who hold higher positions do this. Say for instance, when the subordinate would go to the higher official and say, “Sir, our team has certain doubts in this particular work”, the official would talk about the ‘team’ for half-an-hour, ‘doubts’ for half-an-hour and ‘work’ for half-an-hour, totally for an hour and a half, until he would get an important call and release the employee, without making any mention on clearing his doubt! The same thing here – the subordinate cannot say to his boss, “I don’t want to hear to your lecture!”
Liking towards each other happens only by good character. Character is nothing but habits. If we do not cultivate the habit of doing good talk, we would be risking being hated by most of the people around us. People would talk to us and greet, but just for the sake of it and we would never be aware of it. And it could get too late to rectify our mistakes even if we were made aware.
Whoever we are – an employer, an employee, a student or just a domestic person with no office responsibilities – it is always better to acquire the art of talking. That way we would be nice people with fine qualities, capable of giving a comfort feeling to the people who talk to us
BE CAUTIOS
SENIOR CITIZENS
Foolproof yourselves against Con-scams: - There are many: -
HOME REPAIR FRAUD - HOME DIVERSION BURGLARY –
THE PIGEON DROPTELEMARKETING FRAUD - LETTER SCAM –
BANK EXAMINER SCAM
While you are at home there are two ways in which you can be contacted: your door and your telephone.
TELEPHONE CALLERS:
Please control conversations and information flow on your telephone. If you do not know the caller, do not volunteer information. Should the caller ask: "Who is this?" you should respond: "Whom are you calling?" or "Whom do you wish to speak to?" Make the caller identify whom he/she is calling. If you do not receive an appropriate response, hang up. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into conversations with stranger callers, census/survey takers or business promotion sales persons where you are asked to reveal your name, address, marital status, personal history information, etc. Never give out personal information over the telephone. If the call is legitimate and the representative actually requires the information, arrange a meeting at your convenience. The legitimate caller will respect your position and agree to an alternate approach. If in doubt, ask the caller for the name of the business and telephone number, so that you can return the call. Then, check the number to ensure that it corresponds to the caller's information. In the case of obscene phone calls, night calls from strangers or frequent wrong number calls, telephone your police department for action.
AT THE DOOR:
Most of the time, the person at your door will be there for a legitimate reason, whether he/she is a friend or a stranger. If the caller is a recognized friend, there should be no problem. If the caller is a stranger, you should immediately become alert. Never open your door to a stranger. You should have a one-way peephole installed in the door that allows you to see who the caller is. The one-way peephole is inexpensive and easily installed. If a stranger is legitimately at your door, he / she will not object to you being cautious. Establish the caller’s identity and the reason for the visit. If he / she refuses to show identification and will not leave, quietly go to the telephone and notify the police. Should the caller produce identification but you still are not sure of the validity of the visit, telephone the caller's business office for confirmation. If you still feel uncomfortable, do not open the door; ask the caller to return in 30 minutes or an hour. This will allow you sufficient time to contact a friend or relative to be present when the caller returns. Being cautious increases your safety and well-being. There are a number of ways you can secure your doors. If you do not feel your locks are adequate, upgrade the security of your doors.
SAFETY ON THE STREET
You should be concerned about your safety on the street. Do not have an exaggerated fear of crime; however, recognize the fact that it can happen to you. You must ask yourself: "Just how real is this threat? Is it safe to walk in my neighborhood during the day or night? Have there been street crimes, purse snatchings, robberies or assaults?" If street crimes are a problem in your neighborhood and you have a fear of being victimized, find out what you can do that will eliminate or reduce you risk. The majority of street crimes are crimes of opportunity. The thief is looking for an easy target: a woman walking down a quiet street, a man who has just cashed his pension check and has been observed with a substantial amount of money. Or, the thief decides that this is the right place and the right time, and you just happen to be there. The thief is very likely to be a teenager, a male and a stranger to you. The most common street crime is purse snatching. The thief approaches you from behind or face on, catches you unaware; grabs your purse and runs. It happens so quickly that you do not have a chance to see who the thief is. There have been reports of men having their wallets taken from them by force. These offences do not occur that often, but they do occur. For many people who have been victimized by this hit-and-run tactic, the trauma changes their outlook towards their community. They become fearful of the street and feel that their security and the quality of their lives have been jeopardized. For many, their instinctive reaction is to withdraw from what was once a friendly world. You may ask yourself: "How can I prevent myself from becoming a victim?" You can help prevent your purse or wallet from being stolen. You must recognize that you are not safe from crime by virtue of your age. There is no foolproof method that will stop a crime from occurring. There are ways in which you can reduce the risks and increase your sense of personal security. Your common sense is the best guide to your personal protection. Here are a number of rules and guidelines. It is up to you to determine how these rules and guidelines apply to your situation.
NEVER:
1. CARRY LARGE SUMS OF MONEY,
2. FLASH YOUR MONEY FOR ALL TO SEE, OR
3. CARRY VALUABLES IN FULL VIEW ON YOUR PERSON
GUIDELINES FOR WOMEN
Is it always necessary to carry your purse? If you are going to the store for groceries, take along only the amount of money you feel you will need. Be alert when you are carrying a purse on the street or in a store. Use a shoulder strap model and keep it tucked between your body and your arm. Do not dangle a purse by the straps or hold a clutch-style purse just in the hand. If your purse is a clasp type, carry the purse so that it opens towards your body. If you look as though you are protecting your purse, you will not be considered an easy target. DO NOT wrap purse straps around your wrist or you could be dragged along or knocked to the ground in the event of a "snatch". Should your purse be snatched, try to remember the most significant physical characteristic about the offender. - A facial scar, a physical deformity, or a distinctive facial characteristic. This description information is more important than the color of jacket that can be easily discarded. Call the police immediately or ask someone to call for you. Your best defense is practicing crime prevention techniques. Learn what you can do to protect yourself. It may mean going shopping in pairs or in a group, or changing your route to avoid a certain street corner or youth hangout. And there is nothing to stop you from reporting problem areas to the proper authorities. Do not be embarrassed to call the police. It is their job to assist you and investigate problem areas.
HOME REPAIR FRAUD: -
Individuals offering to perform various home repair jobs approach senior citizens. The perpetrators claim to have materials left over from other jobs, offer significant discounts, or that they were sent by a close relative or friend. Once the job is completed, the cost of the work is suddenly more than the first quote and payment in cash is demanded. The con artists may even offer to provide a ride to the bank so the victim can convert his/her check to cash. Citizens are advised to always get references from home repair workers. The elderly are advised to be especially guarded of workers from outside the local area.
TELEMARKETING FRAUD: -
We receive unsolicited phone calls from telemarketers trying to sell a variety of products. The majorities of tele-marketers, represent legitimate businesses, and adhere to ethical sales techniques. Unfortunately, others do not. Unscrupulous telemarketers are the smoothest of operators, successful at swindling consumers. How you can reduce your risk of becoming a victim of telemarketing fraud?
Be skeptical of "too good to be true" telephone offers. ·
Resist pressure for an immediate decision and ask for written follow-up materials that explain the offer.
Agree to pay no more than the price of a postage stamp when notified about "winning" a sweepstakes. All legitimate sweepstakes must allow a "no purchase necessary" way to play the game and collect the prize.
Never provide your credit card or checking account numbers to a caller from an unfamiliar company without first checking the company
Ask to be placed on the company's "do not call" list to reduce the number of unwanted telephone solicitations you receive.
Certain countries have laws that provide certain protections for a person who receives a telephone solicitation at a residence.
A telephone solicitor must:
· Identify himself or herself by name;
· Identify the business on whose behalf he or she is calling;
· Identify the purpose of the call; and
· identify the telephone number at which the person, company, or organization making the call may be reached.
A telephone solicitor may not call a residence before 9 a.m. or after 9 p.m. on a weekday or Saturday, or before noon or after 9 p.m. on Sunday.
HOME DIVERSION BURGLARY: -
This scam usually occurs during the spring, summer or fall when residents are working outside. Most individuals working in their yard do not lock the doors to their homes. One individual will approach the victim and occupy his/her attention while a second subject enters the victim's home and steals cash, jewelry and silver. Another home diversion technique is for perpetrators to come to a residence and ask for a drink of water, use a bathroom, or use a telephone for an emergency to gain entrance to a home. The subjects will then attempt to divert the victim's attention while an accomplice searches for valuables.
Tips: If an unknown subject comes to your home seeking directions, the phone, the bathroom, etc., keep the subjects outside the home and at least one locked door between you and them. If they need water direct them to an outside tap, if they need to contact someone, offer to make the call for them. When working in the yard it is safe to lock the door of the house.
THE PIGEON DROP:
In the most common variation of this scheme, strangers, who claim to have found a large bag containing cash, approach a person. The victim is convinced to put up "good faith" money to share in the find and is driven to his/her bank to obtain the money. The good faith money is then put in a purse or parcel for safekeeping. The victim is then distracted while the parcel containing his/her money is switched. The bogus parcel is later given to the victim for safekeeping and the strangers leave to make final arrangements and never return. Obviously, if a deal sounds too good to be true, it is. Anyone that asks for a person to put up money for "good faith" is not trustable. In this instance you have to ask, why would anyone wish to share his or her money? If you wish to verify the loss of a large bag containing cash contact your local police to check out this story and to advise them of the con artists you have encountered.
BANK EXAMINER SCAM: -
The con artist portrays himself as a Good Samaritan in this scheme and generally poses as a bank official, police officer, or a detective flashing a badge or other identification. The perpetrators requests the assistance of the victim in checking on an employee suspected of defrauding the victim's bank or indicates there is reason to believe the victim's records are inaccurate and should be checked. Once the swindler has the victim's confidence, he persuades the victim to withdraw large sums of cash from his bank account. The victim is then assured his money will be returned and the swindler will ultimately take the money, never to be seen again. All of the professionals listed above have other ways to resolve investigations rather than involving innocent subjects. Each of these groups has their own officers and money for covert operations to check for bank fraud. If you are approached by any of these individuals contact their claimed employer to verify their employment. If the person claims to be a detective, ask the person for a uniformed officer to come to your location to verify their identity.
LETTER SCAM
The perpetrator in this scheme claims to be from Africa, or another country, and has just inherited a large sum of money. He then displays a letter that states that under the law in their country he cannot return with more than a small amount of currency. The swindler then solicits the victim's assistance and either asks the victim to keep the money and periodically send small amounts of it back to them in their home country or make a small donation. In either case, the victim is given the impression that this person will return to their country leaving his money behind. The con-artist tells his victim that he trusts him, however, it will be necessary for him to prove he has money of his own so he won't be tempted to keep this money. When the victim withdraws a large sum of money from his bank, the money is placed into a handkerchief or envelope along with the con artist's money and a switch is made. The victim is later given an identical envelope or handkerchief, containing cut up paper and the con artist departs never to be seen again. Banks were established over hundreds of years ago just for this specific purpose. Remember, this person approached you because of your reputation for honesty. If you have to prove your financial responsibility, then this person is not being honest about their intention. Courtesy: - Port Arthur Police Department
